its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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