My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize