Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Vodka?
Forever.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
