I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
