I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
