I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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