the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
