Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
