But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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