Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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