and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
