If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize