dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i came on her dog
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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