It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize