You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
