I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
