if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We need to get me chipped asap
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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