And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
