Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
