if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize