So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
So squirting runs in the family.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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