If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I booty called her while she was in labor.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
