OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
