Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
