talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
If I die, sorry about rent.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
