He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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