her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
