I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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