Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
