she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
