Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
