So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
babies were throwing up all over the place
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
