..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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