My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
