2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
