it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
