ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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