next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
