i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
