i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
