Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
it's great music for shaving your balls
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
