I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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