On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
