elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
This is my gift to your gina
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize