Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
