and next time when you feel me up, do it right
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
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