my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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