All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
