god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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