I got chris browned last night
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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