I want to make a zoo with you.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize