Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
