She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
