Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Be still, my beating vagina.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
