You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
