the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
