this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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