You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
