I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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