When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize