what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
