Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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