my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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