I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
