i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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