I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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