woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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