I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
