Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
