If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
