Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
