did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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