My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
