Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
