we made out on top of his cat.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
