Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
should my penis look like a turkey
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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