Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
