just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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