my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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