I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
