Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
