God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
