I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
