I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
farters have to be the big spoon...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
