Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
